Let's start at the very beginning...

As Julie Andrews sang in The Sound of Music ..."Let's Start at the Very Beginning...a Very Good Place to Start"

Here's an article I was asked to write for our

Parish Newsletter in September of 2007

“I have conferred with my colleagues and we are in agreement that your son has Autism Spectrum Disorder…he meets all three of the criteria…any questions?” These were not the words I imagined I would be hearing on March, 15, 2007. My mind was a whirlwind and blank all at once. I felt as though I had been run over by an express train. As my husband and I sat together on the small couch in the examination room, our beautiful boy playing contently near our side, we did our best to come up with every question we hoped could be answered without leaving anything out.

I was dumbstruck by the lead Doctor’s blunt, matter-of-fact, proclamation. The clinical presentation of her diagnosis left me wondering whether or not she truly understood the devastating news she had delivered to our doorstep. Perhaps our calm reaction and ability to formulate coherent questions may have thrown her off. Nevertheless, I struggled internally with her distinct lack of compassion.

The other Doctors on the team, at least, had some positive perspectives and praised my husband and me for doing what we had already done by providing a structured, daily routine for our son. They emphasized how fortunate we were to have a diagnosis at such an early age. Statistics show that the best results with early intervention occur between the ages of two and five. Regardless, I couldn’t help the feeling that I was going to spontaneously combust under the pressure of this unexpected and unwelcome prognosis.

Shell-shocked, we left the hospital and I couldn’t restrain myself from bawling my eyes out the entire car ride home. So many fears, disappointments and angry thoughts plagued my mind and my heart was racing wildly. I felt as though I was drowning and yet the pit I was standing in was as dry and barren as a desert. My husband and I spent the rest of the day in near silence as we observed our son through Autism colored glasses. I thought I would never fall, peacefully, asleep again.

“Be still, and know that I am God;” (Psalm 46:10)

Back in November of 2006, we had only been concerned that our son had not spoken any words by the age of two. We found out, after an evaluation by a team of therapists from the Early Intervention office, that he had significant delays in development and would require several hours of developmental, occupational and speech therapy a week. My husband researched the possibility of Autism being a factor but I completely ruled it out of my mind. I thought our son only met a few of the indications…why should I have considered it? I saw only the best and brightest future for my first born and was certain that, after a few months of intensive therapy, everything would be “normal” by the time he reached his third Birthday.

“When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you…” (Isaiah 41:10)

Telling family, friends and caretakers that our son has Autism Spectrum Disorder was a difficult process. We kept the news to ourselves as long as we felt we could so that we could have the time to research the Disorder. We knew that we would be inundated with questions and wanted to be as prepared to answer them as possible. We were astounded to see the statistics (1 in less than 150 children are on the Spectrum) and dismayed by the Disorder’s list of disabilities. I started out strong and self-assured but as the days wore on my conviction crumbled because my hope was not securely fixed on my Savior. My hopes and dreams for my son to lead a “normal” life were dashed and my confidence dwindled on a daily basis.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7)

Every day presents its challenges but coupled with those valleys are great mountaintop experiences. Every moment that our son smiles at us; looks us directly in the eyes; strives to get our attention; follows a verbal direction; laughs; or tries to communicate with us through his Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) we bask in that sunlight which God has made possible through the rainstorm. Just as Autism is a spectrum disorder, God’s creation – the rainbow – is also a spectrum…Beautiful hues of breathtaking color bespeak His eternal covenant and commitment to those who love Him.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 2:19)

Months of therapy, individual and group, have now passed and I have seen great improvement in my son’s development. God has continuously showered His grace upon me and given me just the right song on the radio; a call from a family member or friend; an encouraging email; a kind word spoken by a stranger; a Bible verse or meditation timely illuminated before my eyes at just the moment I needed it most.

I am exhausted and bewildered at times but I have not drowned. God has sustained me and I continue to trust that He will be there for our family no matter what we face and I choose to continuously praise Him for that. God has shown me, now and throughout the years of my life, His promise is true…

“For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Yes, there will be dark days ahead; yes, I am still mourning a child who is not dead; yes, I have to change my entire perspective and dreams for his future; however, I know Who holds the future and I will, with the help of our merciful God, remind myself of a local church’s sign which read “Hope springs eternal when our hope is in the eternal”.